The Iraqi Army can now be persuaded to lay down their arms and walk away merely by shouting 'Boo!" through a megaphone it emerged today.
After the strategically important city of Ramadi, only 70 miles west of Baghdad was taken by an ISIL fighter making spooky ghost noises on a tannoy, Iranian influenced Shia militias are being deployed.
'This is what happens when you pay your army in goat' said Militia leader Eshaq Habibi.
'Cobble together a fighting force off the back of a shambles western invasion to defend a country they don't really believe in and this is what you get.'
'We have ideals. We truly believe in our country. Admittedly that country is Iran. But you can't have everything.'
'Now excuse me, I have to go and get all John McClane on these idiots.'
'Allahu Akbar Motherfuckers!'