Donner Kebabs, Kofte and burgers sold in Kebab shops have all escaped the World Health Organisations meat carcinogen list it has been revealed.
Speaking from UN headquarters in New York, Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute said 'My fellow Britons will rejoice at this news.'
'Fortunately such fast food products dont have any actual meat in them.'
'Rumour has it 'Efes Kebabs' in Clacton briefly had a small amount of pidgeon in its donner kebabs but that can't be substantiated.'
'Of course we haven't tested the main ingredients of such food stuffs, namely rubber, old tennis balls, silicone sealant and dust for their carcinogenic properties. I'm guessing they aren't great.'
'And then of course there is the main ingredient of fast food meat, mashed up cancer. Might be a bit bad for you. We'll run some tests.'