The ability to confirm the existence of things right in front of your eyes and open your mouth without making children weep with despair are to be prerequisites to running for US President it has been announced.
Donald Trump and Ben Carson have caused enormous concern with their proclamations that have no bearing to any known reality.
'Between the two of them their may just be one functioning brain' said political commentator Mike Hundt.
'Seemingly benign and innocuous aspects of life both scare and confuse the two men. Yesterday I saw Donald Trump run screaming from a croissant.'
'And today, Ben Carson, whilst eating an apple, denied the existence of apples, saying they were a muslim conspiracy.'
'If this degree of idiocy continues, we may have to call on Sarah Palin to be the intellectual candidate. Barely formed sentences are at least better that complete bullshit sentences which is what we have right now.'