The Giants Causeway in Northern Ireland is finally to be tarmaced.
Finn McCool, 54 feet, said 'I have been complaining to the council for hundreds of years about it. It's uneven and full of potholes.'
He continued 'That crap about it getting smashed up when I fought a Scottish giant was to hide the truth. I tripped over and smashed the thing to bits.'
John McGuinness of Antrim Borough Council said 'Finn has threatened to sue. In the past there was no National Accident Helpline for him to claim from. But he's being a massive bastard, both literally and figuratively. So we're going to asphalt it.'