New research has been released that will undoubtedly change your life forever.
Titled 'The Uncanny Ability For Column Writers To Exagerate The Most Feeble Of Lifestyle News For Shock Value' the research has caused massive shockwaves across the world.
Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic who wrote the piece says 'This is a surprise without measure.'
'I have been working in academia for over 30 minutes and this is the most stunning piece of research I have ever seen.'
'Apparently column writers have absolutely no sense of scale. They can't tell the difference between a genuine breakthrough that could cure a disease and a nutritionist quack saying a smelly shit is a sign of social awkwardness.'
'I am astonished by this result. I don't know about you but this is going to completely change the way I live my life. Wow.'