Edward Snowden has pleaded for the charges against him to be dropped in light of the scrapping of the Patriot Act it emerged today.
From his small flat in Moscow, Snowden looked desperate.
'I don't want to come home, I need to come home.' he said.
'I have been given an admin job in the Kremlin and Putin keeps coming over to me and massaging his nipples through his shirt.'
'Only the other day he ripped it off and started pouring vegetable oil over his chest and demanding I rub it in whilst he moaned.'
'Seriously, get me the fuck out of here now. Please!'
From his small flat in Moscow, Snowden looked desperate.
'I don't want to come home, I need to come home.' he said.
'I have been given an admin job in the Kremlin and Putin keeps coming over to me and massaging his nipples through his shirt.'
'Only the other day he ripped it off and started pouring vegetable oil over his chest and demanding I rub it in whilst he moaned.'
'Seriously, get me the fuck out of here now. Please!'