Wearing hats, and in particular trilbys, is to be the only offence for which the death penalty will return it was announce today.
Their increasing prevalance amonst those with nothing to say but who mind the way in shich it is said is a danger to the integrity of society a report has said.
'It's usually a 20 something hiding a bald patch if we are honest' said report author Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute
'Next to out and out hipsters, Trilby wearing young men are so image conscious that their prematurely receeding hairlines, whispy bum fluff beards and borderline alcoholism has to be hidden behind a thin sheen of being an utter cunt.'
'Opinions espoused are only those that are fashionable and are changeable depending on their audience.'
'What I'm trying to say is, there has never been a bigger bunch of insipid, faux cool, beta, protohuman cunt buckets of fetid diarrhea than the fucking, cunting Trilby wearer. The cunts.'