David Cameron gets felated by pigs, rimmed by donkeys and teabagged by tortoises it has been revealed.
In the latest revelations from Lord Ashcrofts latest book, it has become apparent he will do anything to anything.
'Is it any wonder he is willing to fuck the poor if he will fuck a pig?' said political commentator Giles Hundt.
'Never before have we been quite so shocked at a Conservative Prime Minister fucking a filthy, decomposing animal. Well, if you don't count John Major shagging Edwina Curry that is.'
'I hear that George Osborne was tickling his balls when it happened whilst Boris was taking the beast up the shitter.'
'Just another typical day at Oxford.'
