After Norman Smith 'accidentally' described Nigel Färâgé as a cunt, new OFCOM regulations will demand that all BBC presenters are as potty mouthed as possible.
We managed to obtain a number of scripts that have been produced since this dictat was enforced.
The first, from the One Show, is considered to be one of the safest of the new scripts:
'Welcome to The Fucking One Show. Tonight, cunts Giles Brandreth and Giles Coren investigate the history of Aga cooking. Like the massive pair of cunts that they are'
The 10 o'clock news has been similarly effected:
'The cunting headlines tonight, David Cameron is quizzed on just why he couldn't be a more immense lump of 80s white dog shit.'
But Cbeebies suffers most.
'Now you little gobshites, it's time for fucking Teletubbies, where Dipsy and La La flounce about like they've a skinful of charlie and Tinky Winky and Po point and laugh at the fucking freaky sun baby and say it looks like a spaz like the pair of cunting little bell ends they fucking are.'
'Then fuck off to bed afterwards. I'm going to the post office to mug an old woman's pension.'
We managed to obtain a number of scripts that have been produced since this dictat was enforced.
The first, from the One Show, is considered to be one of the safest of the new scripts:
'Welcome to The Fucking One Show. Tonight, cunts Giles Brandreth and Giles Coren investigate the history of Aga cooking. Like the massive pair of cunts that they are'
The 10 o'clock news has been similarly effected:
'The cunting headlines tonight, David Cameron is quizzed on just why he couldn't be a more immense lump of 80s white dog shit.'
But Cbeebies suffers most.
'Now you little gobshites, it's time for fucking Teletubbies, where Dipsy and La La flounce about like they've a skinful of charlie and Tinky Winky and Po point and laugh at the fucking freaky sun baby and say it looks like a spaz like the pair of cunting little bell ends they fucking are.'
'Then fuck off to bed afterwards. I'm going to the post office to mug an old woman's pension.'