James Martin has been freed from his Lurpak blackmail nightmare.
For the past 30 years Martin has added over 12 pounds of butter to every recipe, including Spaghetti Bolognese, after he was caught at the Lurpak factory having carnal relations with milk curds.
'My ordeal is over.' said Martin.
'They have released me from my obligation after solely increasing their sales by 8000%'
'It was fun whilst it lasted, and by fun, I mean a calorie escalating, heart attack inducing, sexual fetish revealing, fucking nightmare.'