Germaine Greer is to start a new column for the Daily Mail, her natural home, it has been announced.
The column entitled 'Bigotry and Me: My Adventures In Being a Crotchety Old Bint' will explore how the world has moved past Greers old radicalism and left her behind like a particularly ugly and unwanted child at the fairground.
'Her views are so bizarre and right wing we just had to offer her a slot' said mail sub-editor Giles Bastard.
'She is going to be writing companion pieces with Katie Hopkins on why everything everywhere is shit and only my way is right, so there.'
'We are particularly looking forward to her monthly specials, the first of which is called 'Why My Tits Remind Me of Rupert Murdoch's Ballsack.'
'Groundbreaking, evocative stuff.'