After their respective performances on Comic Relief Bake Off and Sky Oscars, the government has decided to cull Jameela Jamil and Alexa Chung it has been announced.
A spokesman for DEFRA said 'Ms. Jamil has no self awareness at all. Her colleagues applauded the group completion of the task and she bowed thinking it was for her. She had never touched butter before. And she kept assaulting Michael Sheen with fruit.'
He continued 'Ms. Chung saw none of the films she was commentating on as she claimed she was there to just talk about fashion. She also undermined women everywhere by openly ignoring the #AskHerMore campaign.'
'It has been decided at the highest levels of government that these fatuous and pointless twats must not be allowed to breed and as such will be humanely culled.'
This announcement has led to an outcry by nobody anywhere.