The Morning Gerald: Entertainment

Ghosts Dress Up As Psychic Sally & Derek Acorah for Halloween

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Ghosts and poltergeists are dressing up as lunatics Psychic Sally and Derek Acorah for Halloween it has been announced.</div>
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A free floating apparition in Speke Hall, Liverpool called Geoff said 'It's traditional that you dress up as what scares you.'</div>
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'Well, Psychic Sally scares the shit out of me. She 'channels' the dead to inform the living of how they are coping with the afterlife.'</div>
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'Let me tell you, channelling is really painful! My arse isn't right for weeks afterwards. And Derek Acorah is just weird looking.'</div>
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'But scariest of all is how they scam money out of idiots to talk to ghosts like me because that isn't actually possible, on account of me being fictional.'</div>

Ghosts Dress Up As Psychic Sally & Derek Acorah for Halloween

Ghosts and poltergeists are dressing up as lunatics Psychic Sally and Derek Acorah for Halloween it has been announced. A free fl...

Benedict Cumberbitches About Politicians

Celebrity, Entertainment, News, Politics, UK 12:56

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Benedict Cumberbatch ended last night's performance of Hamlet with an impassioned plea for politicians to do more over the Syrian refugee crisis.</div>
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Cucumbersnatch, who often uses this platform to make appeals, turned the air blue with his pleas.</div>
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'Ignore the fucking politcians and give us your money' said Clungerflange, chanelling Bob Geldof.</div>
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'They are cunts all of them. Cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts, cunts' said the ever eloquent Chunderhatch.</div>
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'So please, I beg you, find your humanity and give money and write to politicians to help these poor, desperate people.'</div>
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Chandlerwax next stars in a self-penned west end play entitled 'The Search for a Less Ridiculous Surname.'</div>

Benedict Cumberbitches About Politicians

Benedict Cumberbatch ended last night's performance of Hamlet with an impassioned plea for politicians to do more over the Syrian...

Germaine Greer New Daily Mail Columnist

Entertainment, Lifestyle, News 17:10

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Germaine Greer is to start a new column for the Daily Mail, her natural home, it has been announced.</div>
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The column entitled 'Bigotry and Me: My Adventures In Being a Crotchety Old Bint' will explore how the world has moved past Greers old radicalism and left her behind like a particularly ugly and unwanted child at the fairground.</div>
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'Her views are so bizarre and right wing we just had to offer her a slot' said mail sub-editor Giles Bastard.</div>
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'She is going to be writing companion pieces with Katie Hopkins on why everything everywhere is shit and only my way is right, so there.'</div>
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'We are particularly looking forward to her monthly specials, the first of which is called 'Why My Tits Remind Me of Rupert Murdoch's Ballsack.'</div>
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'Groundbreaking, evocative stuff.'</div>

Germaine Greer New Daily Mail Columnist

Germaine Greer is to start a new column for the Daily Mail, her natural home, it has been announced. The column entitled 'Big...

'Netflix & Chill' Overtaken by 'Amazon Prime & Self-Abuse'

Entertainment, Health, Lifestyle, News 13:24

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The popular phrase 'Netflix & Chill' meaning come over for casual sex, has been overtaken in these lonely times it has been announced.</div>
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The inherent cool of Netflix is far too life affirming and zeitgeisty for how most people feel about their lives.</div>
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'I just wish I knew someone I could 'chill' with' said trainee accountant Ash Kennedy.</div>
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'I can't afford Netflix, so once every six months, when Amazon hassles me to try Prime free for a month in the hope they can drain both me and my country of what little resources we have left, I take up the offer and watch their completely inferior service.'</div>
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'After they have drained me of all hope and money all I have left is to masturbate furiously in a pit of sorrow and despair.'</div>
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'So they drain me of my seed too. Welcome to Britain!'</div>

'Netflix & Chill' Overtaken by 'Amazon Prime & Self-Abuse'

The popular phrase 'Netflix & Chill' meaning come over for casual sex, has been overtaken in these lonely times it has be...

Morrissey Sings Note in Tune

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 12:45

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Morrisey, formerly of The Smiths and militant vegetarian, has sung his first ever note in tune it has been announced.</div>
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Ash Kennedy, a sound engineer from Los Angeles was recording new material with Morrissey and nearly fell off his chair when it happened.</div>
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'I was amazed' said Kennedy.</div>
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'Usually we have the autotune turned all the way up to 11 and it still sounds like a monotonal suicidal fog horn. But by some miracle the green light appeared on the autotune machine'</div>
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'That means it hasn't had to do any work. I listened to it twelve times. It was a single note, but it was in tune.'</div>
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'I think, by the law of averages, it was probably accidental. It had to happene eventually didn't it?'</div>
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'I had three triple cheeseburgers, rare, to celebrate. And threw one into the recording booth and locked the door for laughs.'</div>

Morrissey Sings Note in Tune

Morrisey, formerly of The Smiths and militant vegetarian, has sung his first ever note in tune it has been announced. Ash Kennedy...

Daniel Craig Nails New Role As 'C*nt'

Celebrity, Entertainment, International, News 15:57

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Daniel Craig has been working hard on a new character during his James Bond press tour it has been announced.</div>
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The character, called 'Cunt', is an irascible, short tempered, ungrateful little shit who works for 4 months a year and gets paid millions of pounds to do it.</div>
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'His interviews of late show he is nailing it!' said his PA Ash Kennedy.</div>
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'When I get his coffee order slightly wrong, say with only two extra shots instead of three, he tosses the boiling hot beverage in my 'stupid, ugly' face.'</div>
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'It used to be quite desirable but obviously the burns have put paid to that.'</div>
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'And then of course there is the punishment for picking him up late if I get stuck in traffic beyond my control.'</div>
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'The repeated kicks to the bollocks over the years have turned them into squishy beachballs. I didn't want kids anyway.'</div>
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'So he is really perfecting the new role. The collosal fucking cunt.'</div>

Daniel Craig Nails New Role As 'C*nt'

Daniel Craig has been working hard on a new character during his James Bond press tour it has been announced. The character, call...

New Star Trek: The Force Wakes Up Trailer!

Entertainment, International, News 11:00

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The final trailer for Star Trek: The Force Wakes Up has been released to much fanfare.</div>
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Over two minutes of new footage have got fans in a spin across the internet and we break the trailer down for you here.</div>
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It starts with Princess Rey scavenging inside a Sun Destroyer after shich we see her walking amongst the sand dunes with her companion droid, BB-D2.</div>
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Tied Fighters explode over Keswick and Derwent Water as the Lake District set sci-fi masterpiece ramps up a gear.</div>
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Then we see Storm Soldier Finn and X-Flight pilot Kapow acknowledge each other as Finn heads for the Millenium Eagle.</div>
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Queen Leia and Captain Han Kirk embrace before we finally see Finn using a Lightscimitar to face off against henchman and master of the force, Darth Khan.</div>
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Here at The Morning Gerald we believe this will be the finest film in the saga and we can't wait. Ahead Warp Factor 10!</div>

New Star Trek: The Force Wakes Up Trailer!

The final trailer for Star Trek: The Force Wakes Up has been released to much fanfare. Over two minutes of new footage have got fan...

Wnkers 'The Lad Bible' Refuse to Stop Being Wnkers'

Entertainment, News, UK 14:51

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The Lad Bible, widely regarded as a cave of 90s lad nostalgia and stolen content have confirmed they will refuse to stop acting like wankers.</div>
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Speaking from as far inside his own arsehole as he can manage to reach, editor and publisher Alexander 'Solly' Solomou said 'I'm not paying for something I can get for free.'</div>
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'I don't pay for porn which I spend most of the day stroking my very small penis to before a tiny eruption of my scum soils my ridiculously expensive suit.'</div>
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'As far as I see it, content writers and producers are just porn actresses in disguise. Filthy whores who I can fap to and make money off.'</div>
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'So why shouldn't I cut and paste an article here, a video there if it makes me enough money to buy the Lamborghini Aventador I so desperately want whilst guffawing with my young Tory mates and spitting at poor people.'</div>
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'I've got money, you haven't and that's entirely your fault. Now fuck off.'</div>

W*nkers 'The Lad Bible' Refuse to Stop Being W*nkers'

The Lad Bible, widely regarded as a cave of 90s lad nostalgia and stolen content have confirmed they will refuse to stop acting like ...

'School of Rock' Put Into Special Measures by Ofsted

Entertainment, News 10:33

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A hip school with a teacher who uses unorthodox music lessons to teach children has been put into special measures it has been announced.</div>
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The teacher, a Mr. Ash Kennedy, was revealed to not be a teacher at all but a failed musician trying to form a band at this prestigious prerp school.</div>
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'It's astonishing this could happen at one of Britain's premier primary schools.' said education expert Frank Horrigan.</div>
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'Did nobody bother to do a background check on this man? He could be a colossal nonce.'</div>
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'But most astonishingly is that nobody noticed his music lessons didn't teach any music but seemed to just teach kids how to be stereotypes of rock culture. How could a school have missed this?'</div>
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'It is for this reason the school is placed in special measures. Oh, and the nonce thing too.'</div>

'School of Rock' Put Into Special Measures by Ofsted

A hip school with a teacher who uses unorthodox music lessons to teach children has been put into special measures it has been announ...

White People Exclusively Named Geoffrey & Tabitha In Next Series of Bake-Off

Entertainment, Lifestyle, News 12:23

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The Great British Bake Off, which has a worryingly high chance of being won by a brown person, will only have white contestants called Geoffrey and Tabitha next year it has been announced.</div>
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After the media backlash against what is seen as a PC line up that is actually representative, BBC honchos will fall back to their default position of cowardice.</div>
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'We feel that, what with Nadiya winning, sorry, somebody winning, we must get back to basics and have middle class white people only.'</div>
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'Not eastern Europeans either. We had one of them. We've ticked that box. Someone was black too. A couple of asians and an oriental and that's the full set.'</div>
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'But white British only from now on. But no Scottish. We don't like them either. Just people from Oxford. That will do. With names like James and Peter and Abigail. Maybe Andrew. But some working class people are called that. And it's a bit Scottish. No, George instead.'</div>

White People Exclusively Named Geoffrey & Tabitha In Next Series of Bake-Off

The Great British Bake Off, which has a worryingly high chance of being won by a brown person, will only have white contestants calle...

Idiots Waste Time Remembering Woman Beating Idiot

Arts, Entertainment, News 11:35

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs3qP5wGbeoyw5dqL0gpU_OKWLZ_3SblVvd_XYg5XnKd6v7WU-yO5UdxJS8N54X_5coYaed4T45JuXxgIrHAkKp_la6MvmQQnOci2CXTE9r4IbDKetiSRdabjAY_R2a7c-Y7_fGIiAtwx7/s1600/Screenshot_2015-10-07-10-43-45.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs3qP5wGbeoyw5dqL0gpU_OKWLZ_3SblVvd_XYg5XnKd6v7WU-yO5UdxJS8N54X_5coYaed4T45JuXxgIrHAkKp_la6MvmQQnOci2CXTE9r4IbDKetiSRdabjAY_R2a7c-Y7_fGIiAtwx7/s400/Screenshot_2015-10-07-10-43-45.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Hundreds of people have gathered in Central Park in New York to remember the life, music and beliefs of John Lennon.</div>
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As they assemble into a CND sign that, from above, can truly be described as 'a CND sign', we interviewed some of the attendees on just why they were there.</div>
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'I love how John and Yoko pursued peace by channelling their vast wealth into lying in bed to make a point. Nobody knows quite what the point was but, by god, they made it' said someone without a job but curiously well dressed.</div>
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'I live my life by John Lennon's words and deeds. I, as it happens, am the walrus. And my wife, who said I look stupid as a sea based mammal, has two black eyes and a ruptured kidney for her trouble. Just like John used to do.'</div>
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'He really is a hero.'</div>

Idiots Waste Time Remembering Woman Beating Idiot

Hundreds of people have gathered in Central Park in New York to remember the life, music and beliefs of John Lennon. As they asse...

All BBC Presenters to Join ITV in Completely Unrelated Jobs

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 12:53

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinlNwtyUMNdfwKz4__ys9N2Beda4pO3p-mKe2VQly7yrtnL26npx8lXl369mTRaHUUemAB8uxHosO_0C4-qfoq_qosGafwHvD8eJUqC3vPRSW84EtHcKiwppMBq525M26-yVmgO9cO-0_L/s1600/68726.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinlNwtyUMNdfwKz4__ys9N2Beda4pO3p-mKe2VQly7yrtnL26npx8lXl369mTRaHUUemAB8uxHosO_0C4-qfoq_qosGafwHvD8eJUqC3vPRSW84EtHcKiwppMBq525M26-yVmgO9cO-0_L/s400/68726.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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With the news that Robert Peston is moving to ITV to front a chat show, it has been revealed there is to be a mass exodus of BBC talent into completely unrelated ITV jobs.</div>
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In a move being called 'bloody ridiculous' by media commentators, Tess Daly is to be the new ITV News political editor.</div>
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Huw Edwards is to host The X Factor whilst Terry Wogan will present a series of documentaries on the history of bad wigs.</div>
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Chris Evans is to replace Ken Barlow as the lothario of Coronation Street and Graham Norton will be the anchor of the 10 O'Clock News.</div>
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And Matt Baker and Alex Jones will present a series of documentaries about unusually close presenting couples who are probably shagging offscreen.</div>
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The revelations continue.</div>

All BBC Presenters to Join ITV in Completely Unrelated Jobs

With the news that Robert Peston is moving to ITV to front a chat show, it has been revealed there is to be a mass exodus of BBC tale...

Kenny Loggins to Write New British National Anthem

Entertainment, News, UK 20:33

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Kenny Loggins, writer if many famous 80s movie theme tunes, is to write the new British national anthem it has been announced.<br />
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Loggins, famous for his guitar power riffs and upbeat tempos, is to recast the Queen as a modern, independent woman in crazy love with a dashing Greek prince.<br />
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'In the video, Peter André palys the part of Prince Philip, a man who is naval officer by day, male stripper by night.' said Loggins.<br />
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'The Queen, or 'Libby', played by Kerry Katona, is a jet setter who feels the need to grace poor people with her presence and beauty to make them feel better about their lives.'<br />
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'She stumbles upon 'Long Dong Silvers', a bar with an exotic secret. Here she sees Philip perform and she is besotted.'<br />
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'We will reuse the music from 'Highway to the Dangerzone' from Top Gun. <br />
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'The first two lines of your new anthem's chorus are already written. They are:  'Ma-je-sty needs the greek bone! 'Ride inside Queen's Furry cone!'<br />
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'I think it's a winner.'</div>

Kenny Loggins to Write New British National Anthem

Kenny Loggins, writer if many famous 80s movie theme tunes, is to write the new British national anthem it has been announced. Loggi...

JK Rowling's Latest Potter Tweet to be Released in Two Parts

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 02:02

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvOekr9BO85UyLC97lsnKR_epnpi_0qjyCIACDk1HQcL4NwO55tP3STIuCizKGxaKSWljcf29w_z6AZVJ1uOmRa3Xq6m4zLp0S7mpA29TiZT_w8NlCzTwQ_ASJEc-r5voF7ZVuglu4VzgI/s1600/o-JK-ROWLING-facebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvOekr9BO85UyLC97lsnKR_epnpi_0qjyCIACDk1HQcL4NwO55tP3STIuCizKGxaKSWljcf29w_z6AZVJ1uOmRa3Xq6m4zLp0S7mpA29TiZT_w8NlCzTwQ_ASJEc-r5voF7ZVuglu4VzgI/s400/o-JK-ROWLING-facebook.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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JK Rowling, purveyor of the finest boy wizards and the most derivative crime thrillers, has announced she will release her next tweet in two seperate parts.</div>
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'I feel that it is necessary to split this tweet to really get to the bottom of its meaning.' said Rowling.</div>
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'It is only 124 characters so would easily fit in a single tweet, but I'm splitting it, enhancing it, marketing it and making millions of people hang on the most inane waffle this side of an Dan Snow One Show history segment.'</div>
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'Honestly, you're all mugs. It's a fucking tweet. The Huffpost wil make two entire articles from it. The Independent will do a Facebook clickbait story on it. The Daily Mail will find a picture of my cleavage and call me a communist. Then print it.'</div>
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'It's a fucking tweet! Or two! Wake up, wank stains!'</div>

JK Rowling's Latest Potter Tweet to be Released in Two Parts

JK Rowling, purveyor of the finest boy wizards and the most derivative crime thrillers, has announced she will release her next tweet...

Sam Smith Strangles Blofeld's Cat for New Bond Theme

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 10:58

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMC_fKZZiEQ2QyuznZXEBQ_nZZhkTAbdzlNzSZcHj9dmkgvLoY4EvEHGtt5rBDIqH_vc6DQ5bEiYhF1vAkMO4a8b9tUqnPforZZcNoguIaM0GVy22AGghxnzJas0V7WCcqoo1qZ9IYw63L/s1600/sam_smith_writing_on_the_wall_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMC_fKZZiEQ2QyuznZXEBQ_nZZhkTAbdzlNzSZcHj9dmkgvLoY4EvEHGtt5rBDIqH_vc6DQ5bEiYhF1vAkMO4a8b9tUqnPforZZcNoguIaM0GVy22AGghxnzJas0V7WCcqoo1qZ9IYw63L/s640/sam_smith_writing_on_the_wall_1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Sam Smith has released his new single 'Writing's On The Wall' and it sounds like he has used a Bond Theme Generator that's been passed through autotune and sang by a semi-conscious mangey moggie we can announce.</div>
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With no memorable hook and none of Adele's cock-er-nee sparrah 'Skyfaw! Cwumbw!' to laugh at, this song sounds like old bits of Bond theme sheet music have been chewed up and spat at a wall with a cigar chomping music exec screaming 'write that, write that!!'</div>
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Smith's usually soft falsetto sounds more like he is squeezing out a particularly troublesome shit and the agony of the impending hemorrhoids weighs heavily in his voice.</div>
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But the tinkle of the ivories, now compulsory in all Bond themes, sound like they are being played with gusto and enthusiasm. By someone who heard a polyphonic Bond ringtone in 2001.</div>
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This is not the usual standard of insipid pop warbling we have come to expect from Smith. And he is no doubt accutely aware of what an utter failure this theme is. Painful, uninspired and lacking originality or grace, Smith is 23 years old.</div>

Sam Smith Strangles Blofeld's Cat for New Bond Theme

Sam Smith has released his new single 'Writing's On The Wall' and it sounds like he has used a Bond Theme Generator that...

People In Fake Manc Street Asked to Remember More Than One Sentence

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 09:30

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A selection of random people from Manchester with limited talent have been asked to memorise more than one sentence at a time it emerged yesterday.</div>
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Morons with no formal education attempted to spit out whole sentences when they were hired based solely on their looks.</div>
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'I don't like being forced to remember things' said Ash Kennedy, star of 'Coronation Street'.</div>
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'I was rescused from the top of Blackpool tower once because I forgot I couldn't fly and nearly fell off.'</div>
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'I have to be reminded to eat so to be honest I can't remember more than a 4 words at a time. Even one sentence is a push. Usually, what I have to say is written down on big white boards held behind the camera.'</div>
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'Well, not written, more drawn. With stick men. In crayon. With the promise of a Dairylea triangle if I get it right.'</div>

People In Fake Manc Street Asked to Remember More Than One Sentence

A selection of random people from Manchester with limited talent have been asked to memorise more than one sentence at a time it emer...

One Direction's 'Made in the A.M.' Makes Everyone 'Homicidal in the P.M.'

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 09:20

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One Direction have released their new album 'Made in the A.M' to mixed criticism is has been announced.</div>
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Newspapers and other media outlets that are part of the same media group as One Direction's record company has collectively called it a 'Triumph', 'Their best album yet' and 'a tour de force of pop brilliance.'</div>
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Everyone else though has described it as 'an inducement to bleeding ears', 'a sorry collection of money spinning shite' and 'responsible for cancer'.</div>
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'My body is being eaten from the inside out by a demonic strain of cancer that was brought on by listening to 4 lads who have 2 pubic hairs between them and their stupid, flapping mouth music' said Neil Brown, music journalist.</div>
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'The only saving grace is I will be dead soon from the disease that ravages me. Is the any way to make it infectious? There's four people I want to meet.'</div>

One Direction's 'Made in the A.M.' Makes Everyone 'Homicidal in the P.M.'

One Direction have released their new album 'Made in the A.M' to mixed criticism is has been announced. Newspapers and ot...

Comedians Have Mass Embolism at Cameron Material Overload

Celebrity, Entertainment, Lifestyle, News 08:30

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Babb7gXoF6HFdf9Mb6-PP2qnPI8lszZVlYUMdgCG6ZL_JGHC1ZuHJ4E1N_1u-cx1OIyZZcnK8H8h3jdpmtKE6o22rx6uWcxp1PFErYCLKFCG2GSDc2P_OvEB5CWq8eZMUOSZNfQx2YPS/s1600/MI+Tommy+Tiernan+Comedian+Photocall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Babb7gXoF6HFdf9Mb6-PP2qnPI8lszZVlYUMdgCG6ZL_JGHC1ZuHJ4E1N_1u-cx1OIyZZcnK8H8h3jdpmtKE6o22rx6uWcxp1PFErYCLKFCG2GSDc2P_OvEB5CWq8eZMUOSZNfQx2YPS/s1600/MI+Tommy+Tiernan+Comedian+Photocall.jpg" /></a></div>
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Comedians are taking a mass rest at a celebrity relaxation centre it has emerged today.</div>
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After spending the past 24 hours filling their time making gags about pig fucking, the sheer volume of material has led to a mass breakdown and overload of the humour centres of the brain.</div>
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'It's a recognised phenomenom' said Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute.</div>
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'The last time it happened it emerged that Edwina Currie had been boffing John Major.'</div>
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'The sheer shock to the system causes a sort of gag overload. Comedians are used to scraping material together from the weakest of beginnings.'</div>
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'It's like chucking a swimming pool in front of someone who has spent 30 days in a desert. Overly grateful, ecstatic but liable to drown like a young, gay man at Michael Barrymore's house.</div>

Comedians Have Mass Embolism at Cameron Material Overload

Comedians are taking a mass rest at a celebrity relaxation centre it has emerged today. After spending the past 24 hours filling ...

Everything Jeremy Clarkson Does Is Officially Inhumane

Entertainment, International, News 02:38

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vPp_Ui_9hHOrsdSQ3BwA1I2WH4k2g7tKccW7MhuORZ-MGipsIEvzSrHc473UATiJC7fLdQHMT_ouZRAcoiokM0GZaTAhsIyoXYBh2-GKMy-0GtmmR9g7I5x2dHFCEfi3Dl0KlqCOAsgm/s1600/Jeremy-Clarkson-014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9vPp_Ui_9hHOrsdSQ3BwA1I2WH4k2g7tKccW7MhuORZ-MGipsIEvzSrHc473UATiJC7fLdQHMT_ouZRAcoiokM0GZaTAhsIyoXYBh2-GKMy-0GtmmR9g7I5x2dHFCEfi3Dl0KlqCOAsgm/s320/Jeremy-Clarkson-014.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The existence of Jeremy Clarkson is reason to cry and weep for all humanity the media as a whole has revealed.</div>
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The sheer mention of his name must be followed by sniggering, a sense of superiority and blanket condemnation.</div>
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'The name of his latest venture on Amazon Prime, 'Gear Knobs' is ridiculous and an utterly stupid name for a car show' said Ash Kennedy, freelance journalist.</div>
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Despite the name succinctly summing up exactly what Top Gear has been for the past 10 years and is even self-deprecating, the smug arrogance of the press shows no sign of letting up.</div>
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'Clarkson isn't permitted to ever do anything humble. Despite this name seemingly showing humility, it doesn't because, erm, he's a bastard and I hate him and so should you!' said Kennedy.</div>
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'He eats the faces off children, uses dogs as dish cloths and eats his own bogeys. Hateful, hateful man!'</div>

Everything Jeremy Clarkson Does Is Officially Inhumane

The existence of Jeremy Clarkson is reason to cry and weep for all humanity the media as a whole has revealed. The sheer mention ...

Man Appears on Daily Mail Sidebar

Celebrity, Entertainment, News 11:42

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFTdMTFjgPLe7g-onidOFZdU7hZLkVGjzq4oRjMJ5JfRHcw_OtZOex9atEwhfMZzgmGoz00NP4cIlfbbTlYmnsdhQC4LGq_ABMZQs3l60Hvihh_0UjNg_xzJuZBNo9-VwFDzNVUQjcpOs/s1600/man-in-suit2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicFTdMTFjgPLe7g-onidOFZdU7hZLkVGjzq4oRjMJ5JfRHcw_OtZOex9atEwhfMZzgmGoz00NP4cIlfbbTlYmnsdhQC4LGq_ABMZQs3l60Hvihh_0UjNg_xzJuZBNo9-VwFDzNVUQjcpOs/s1600/man-in-suit2.jpg" /></a></div>
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The Daily Mail has allowed someone with a penis on it's website sidebar it has emerged.</div>
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Usually the domain of Katie Price and Pamela Anderson and their 'pneumatic assets', a male has bucked the trend for titillation.</div>
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'I am honoured to appear on the Daily Mail sidebar' said Henry Parsons.</div>
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'My claim to fame is of course my upcoming choices which the Daily Mail will be covering in detail. The changes in my life will be documented by this brave band of committed men and women striving to bring you the latest news.'</div>
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'Yes, as I transition from male to female they will document my operations with particular emphasis on being given Britains biggest ever breast implants at 36JJ.'</div>
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'I am so grateful for the Daily Mail's accompaniment on this journey and their support which is entirely based on my inspirational story.'</div>

Man Appears on Daily Mail Sidebar

The Daily Mail has allowed someone with a penis on it's website sidebar it has emerged. Usually the domain of Katie Price and P...