The Great British Bake Off, which has a worryingly high chance of being won by a brown person, will only have white contestants called Geoffrey and Tabitha next year it has been announced.
After the media backlash against what is seen as a PC line up that is actually representative, BBC honchos will fall back to their default position of cowardice.
'We feel that, what with Nadiya winning, sorry, somebody winning, we must get back to basics and have middle class white people only.'
'Not eastern Europeans either. We had one of them. We've ticked that box. Someone was black too. A couple of asians and an oriental and that's the full set.'
'But white British only from now on. But no Scottish. We don't like them either. Just people from Oxford. That will do. With names like James and Peter and Abigail. Maybe Andrew. But some working class people are called that. And it's a bit Scottish. No, George instead.'