Sam Smith has released his new single 'Writing's On The Wall' and it sounds like he has used a Bond Theme Generator that's been passed through autotune and sang by a semi-conscious mangey moggie we can announce.
With no memorable hook and none of Adele's cock-er-nee sparrah 'Skyfaw! Cwumbw!' to laugh at, this song sounds like old bits of Bond theme sheet music have been chewed up and spat at a wall with a cigar chomping music exec screaming 'write that, write that!!'
Smith's usually soft falsetto sounds more like he is squeezing out a particularly troublesome shit and the agony of the impending hemorrhoids weighs heavily in his voice.
But the tinkle of the ivories, now compulsory in all Bond themes, sound like they are being played with gusto and enthusiasm. By someone who heard a polyphonic Bond ringtone in 2001.
This is not the usual standard of insipid pop warbling we have come to expect from Smith. And he is no doubt accutely aware of what an utter failure this theme is. Painful, uninspired and lacking originality or grace, Smith is 23 years old.