One Direction have released their new album 'Made in the A.M' to mixed criticism is has been announced.
Newspapers and other media outlets that are part of the same media group as One Direction's record company has collectively called it a 'Triumph', 'Their best album yet' and 'a tour de force of pop brilliance.'
Everyone else though has described it as 'an inducement to bleeding ears', 'a sorry collection of money spinning shite' and 'responsible for cancer'.
'My body is being eaten from the inside out by a demonic strain of cancer that was brought on by listening to 4 lads who have 2 pubic hairs between them and their stupid, flapping mouth music' said Neil Brown, music journalist.
'The only saving grace is I will be dead soon from the disease that ravages me. Is the any way to make it infectious? There's four people I want to meet.'