The NSPCC is staffed largely by drunks it emerged today.
The charity, tasked with protecting the most vulnerable children in society, has become a haven for drunkards, lushes and piss heads.
Asked why this was the case, Mary Illingworth, press officer for the NSPCC said
'Let's be honest. It's fucking depressing work. The things we see are horrific. So we get through it by imbibing copious amounts of eastern European drain cleaner. They call it vodka.'
She continued 'I myself cope by feeding my increasingly fucked body with a cocktail of barbiturates, weed and absinthe. Most of the time I can barely stand. You got me on a good day. I just snorted a couple of lines.'