The rapid decline in the Panda population is leading scientists to new and innovative ways to encourage breeding.
Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic said 'Their ability and need to procreate diminishes with each generation and this is a huge problem.'
He continued 'We have used various stimuli and techniques to encourage intercourse. We used artificial insemination and that didnt work. So I fucked one of them and nothing came of it.'
'So we are going to use Godzilla. He's a big boy and will really fuck them good. Depth of penetration has been a concern of ours but no longer.'
Asked about moral and ethical concerns, Professor Langtree said 'We have ran out of ideas. Yes, it's a bit rapey. But I've lost all sense of reality and am trying anything.'