After the admission by a Labour MP that he looks at porn, new MPs will have to take a no masturbation pledge to keep them pure for the British people.
Simon Danczuk, MP for Rochdale yesterday admitted to enjoying one off the wrist and consuming pornography.
'I love it.' he said. 'My favourite type is posh birds taking it up the shitter. Phwoar, cracking stuff!'
Praised for his candour in many quarters, nevertheless he has been roundly condemned by other MPs.
A spokesman for the Tory 1922 committee said 'This is despicable behaviour and is to be discouraged. Can't he just lear at young boys like we do?'
The MPs oath of allegiance will now read 'I do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, her heirs and successors, according to law and not touch myself in the crotch area for a period of 5 years. So help me God.'
God would not confirm or deny if he would help.