Government whistleblowers are to be hired to inject rhythmic beats and mild annoyance at raves.
After grassing on all of their shit co-workers, a job at a festival or illegal rave in a farmers field it to be guaranteed.
Julie French, who highlighted the plight of patients having to piss themselves rather than be promptly catheterised said 'This isn't my first career choice.'
She continued 'Obviously I want to continue being a ward Doctor. But as nobody will employ me, I can blow this Acme Ear Bleeder to 90s techno beats and give joy to ravers'.
'Except the ones who find it annoying. Which is all of them. In fact when I went to raves in the 90s it was always the bell end with a cap on sideways who was blowing a whistle and generally acting like a cunt. There was always a clear 6 foot of dancefloor around him.'
'So this job will obviously be truly fulfilling. Thank god I did the right thing and am now unemployable.'