The General Election has been said to be a measure of tedium as yet unknown on the LeonaLewis scale of mind crushing boredom.
But it has the advantage of not being a royal baby and it is distracting the media from that fact.
'Every time a Royal is about to sprog, hold a general election.' said Miles Grant of Cheadle.
'Last time Kate was about to give birth I was seriously close to opening up a vein and ending it all in a pool of my own plasma.'
'There are only so many times the news can cut to a man standing outside a suspiciously old looking hospital to tell us that nothing is happening before I end it all.'
'Watching 3 grown men flap their mouths with focus group approved phrases ad infinitum is marginally more tolerable than 'woman gives birth'.
'Now excuse me. I have a massive bottle of gin that must be consumed immediately else it will turn sour. Or something. I'm just going to get cunted. Fuck off will you.
