Tory cuts will see provision for monetary support from absent parents arranged live on the Jeremy Kyle Show.
Described by a high court judge as being like bear baiting, the cruel and unusual nature of the show suit Tory policy initiatives.
'Poor people need to aspire to greater things.' said Home Secretary Theresa May.
'Rather than do that through better education, family support and fair wages, it's much simpler to point and laugh' she said.
'This way we keep them all up north aswell. It's filmed in Manchester so we are providing a ready made, low skilled and cheap labour force for the Northern Powerhouse.'
'That's just the good guys that we are.'