After yesterday's accident on the Smiler ride, Alton Towers has announced it is now legally obliged to name all rides according to the riders experience.
According to reports, The Smiler is to be renamed The Frowner or, depending on the severity of yesterday's injuries, The Blood Letter.
Further changes include 'Oblivion' becoming 'Heroine Overdose', 'Rita' becoming 'Bitchface' and 'Nemesis' becoming 'Piers Morgan'.
Rumours that 'The Runaway Mine Train' are to be renamed 'Really Old Slightly Underwhelming Crotch Crusher' could not be confirmed.
Though word that 'Enterprise' would become 'The Death Star' is correct.