Simon Cowell has decided to take his 3 children to the theatre every saturday evening it has emerged.
Booking 4 front row elevated seats, he and his family will watch new singers perform and them be rude and crass and pass judgment loud enough for everyone to hear.
'Does he think he is cool and clever? He's going to stick out like a sore thumb in amongst his kids.' said office worker Ash Kennedy.
'He will stick out like a man 10 years away from his pension with fucking weird hair and scary heavage trying to act all cool.'
'Basically he's going to look like a child groomer. Which, essentially, he is.'