Vladimir Putin's assertion that he will have 50 new nuclear missiles ready for deployment by the end of the year has been met with international ridicule.
Described as 'delusional at best', his plans to build the new missiles are said to be a pipe dream.
'Let's be honest, Russia can just about build a paper bag at the moment.' said Russia analyst Mark Hubbard.
'From what I have seen of their very easily obtainable plans that I acquired by buying a General a 3 course meal in Harvester, their 'missiles' amount to particularly moody chickens with sparklers shoved up their arses.'
'As a defence I would suggest air dropping some chicken recipes and maybe some potatoes to go with them.'
'Don't worry about their Surface to Air Missile defences for the air drop. That amounts to a small child called Boris throwing his own faeces. He's harmless.'