Anna Friel has signed a new contract with all international broadcasters in which she will star in all war dramas everywhere, for ever.
Currently to be seen on More4 in The Saboteurs and on BBC2 in The Odyssey, Friel will take roles in all future war dramas.
However, using CGI and performance capture technology, Friel will be inserted into all previous dramas.
She will take on the role of Mark Bentons surly wide boy in 'Land Girls'. She will replace Simon Pegg in 'Band of Brothers'.
And she will replace both Robson Green and Jerome Flynn in 'Soldier Soldier' in the hope she can erase their pop career from everyone's memory.
'It's a public service really' said Friel.
'Nobody wants to remember that do they? And to be frank, anything I can do to make 30 something men forget me lezzing it up in Brookside is worth it.'
'But you haven't forgotten have you? It's all you remember every time you see my face isn't it?'
'Christ, what a bunch of twats.'