JK Rowling has announced that she will not be celebrating Draco Malfoy's 35th birthday this year.
'Many people assume this is because of the type of man he is.' she said.
'Whilst it is true that, in the past I have discouraged girls from fancying him amd thinking they could change him if only they had the chance, that isn't the reason why.'
'I say this to every Potter fan, but particularly to 30 something women who are giving up on the idea of finding a partner and living with 17 cats instead: He's not fucking real.'
'None of it is. Put the Harry Potter book down. Take off the Gryffindor scarf. Go out. And get laid. Quickly. Very, very quickly.'