A new pact has been undertaken by Labour party members to force their leadership candidates to talk like humans.
Using the methods perfected by the behavioural psychologist Ivan Pavlov, the candidates will be conditioned to behave in a certain way.
'We have found this to be most effective so far' said Ash Kennedy, party activist.
'Every time one of them says 'Let me be clear' they get punched in the face'
'Saying 'Hard-working families' earns them a dead leg.'
'But perhaps the worst crime is 'communities' because most of us shut our front door and want nothing to do with the people walking past it. So if they say that they get stabbed.'
'There is one more we have yet to enact. It is an American import. But Ed Miliband said 'folks' instead of 'people' a couple of times during the election.'
'Seriously, if any of them even come close to saying folks, they get shot in the face. End of.'