Upgrading your 1.2 litre Ford Fiesta with huge exhausts the size of an elephant raped arsehole is not sufficient to replace love and affection it was announced today.
Ash Kennedy, 19 and an owner of a Renault Twingo with 19" rims said 'I have always thought that my modified car would get me attention and praise for taking something that a designer spent hundreds of hours perfecting and fucking it up in an afternoon.'
'But apparently most people think I'm a cunt, especially because small animals tend to die from shock when the engine starts.'
'My Dad always said I would amount to nothing but he never killed a badger with exhaust popping.'
'I do wish he had hugged me more though. Once would have been enough.'