Attacks by inflateable animals have seen a steep rise in recent months.
After a man was convicted of assault after his inflatable shark attacked a football steward, there has been a spate of vinyl balloon related violence.
Gilbert the inflateable Giraffe said 'We appreciate getring out in the open and even being taken to the odd football match.'
'It a sport of gentlemen and loyalties to ones club is a sign of the dignity of the age.'
'But slate my club and I'll fuck you up. Don't expect to leave without being glassed by one angry giraffe.'