Jubilant 'A' Level students are celebrating their acquisition of a piece of quality, A4, ultra-absorbant toilet paper ready for going to University it was announced today.
Joel Barrows, 18 of Southampton, said 'This is a really quality piece of paper. Yes it has two A's and two B's printed on it, but it's also super strong and durable.'
'My Dad has said that the toilet paper at university is shit and I will need all the decent bog roll I can get.'
'And this certificate is worthy of being a decent piece of bog roll. It's got fuck all else use.'
'And Dad promises in three years I'll have another piece of even better paper I can use to mop up beer spillages'
'Then it's a life of having letters after my name, working in a call centre for £15k a year until my inevitable suicide or killing spree.'
'What a future!'