Jesus Christ was a quinoa munching, vintage clothes wearing, thick rimmed glasses sporting, Shoreditch living, Sky Arts subscribing cunt it emerged today.
New documentary evidence has emerged showing that, far from being poor, Jesus had a very comfortable and middle class upbringing.
'He was the original fauxhemian' said Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic.
'He chose to live a lifestyle that he perceived as basic and of the people yet was actually expensive and painfully twee and annoying.'
'This has lead to many, largely conservative, Christians converting to Islam. Because however much they hate Muslims, they hate people who they percieve as wet.'
'And there's nothing wetter than a middle class, fake-poor cunt poncing about like a know-it-all shitbag.'
