Theresa May, in a move to discourage migrants from moving to Britain, has said the nation 'is quite shit.'
Speaking from a Calais news conference, the Home Secretary said 'The swarms, sorry, migrants have to realise that our streets aren't paved with gold.'
'They are covered in shit. It's a disgrace. And the number of poor homeless people is revolting too.'
But head of the UK Local Councils Association, Ash Kennedy, said 'There is of course a reason for that.'
'Our streets are literally covered in shit these days, both dog and human, thanks to the general fucking over of the poor.'
'So if she wants to discourage migration, she's doing the right thing. The country is turning into a cesspool of despair and disillusionment.'
'Well done Tories for crushing hopes and dreams. You immense orchestra of cuntwhistles.'