Head of the Metropolitan Police Service, Sir Hugh Loveshistitle, has said recent allegations against Ted Heath and other former MPs mean it's now easier to count the MPs who haven't interfered with kids.
'The figures are a shock' said Sir Hugh.
'Who would have thought that those who exist in a secretive bubble would, over time, start to believe they can perpetrate any crime and descend into the darkest corners of depravity?'
But why hasn't this been investigated thoroughly before now?
'Well, and I say this as a knight of the realm who definitely deserves it and wasn't given it to keep my mouth shut and play the game, it's al terribly complicated. You wouldn't understand.'
'Now excuse me, there appears to be a small boy over there who is lost. And I know someone who can give him 'directions.'