Peince George has put a paparazzo in hospital and has spent the night in the cells a spokesman for Clarence House has announced.
Using other toddlers and toys to entice George, the young Prince grew impatient, grabbed the nearest rattle, and proceeded to brain the paparazzo leaving him with severe head wounds.
'I won't have it!' said Prince George.
'I'm trying to build a huge sandcastle in the sand pit and that grasping bellend called me over.'
'Some little gobshite then knocked over the castle and I was fucking livid. So I knocked seven kinds of shit out if him. Which made me pass seven kinds of shit too.'
'You should have seen that nappy. Is was like chemical warfare. The nappies inside aren't as soft. But Dad's paying my parole today so all is good.'