The Conservative Party HQ is to be fumigated over the summer months for what has been described as 'the worst bastard infestation I have ever seen' it was announced today.
Barry Williams of Fuming Fumigators said 'I've never seen anything like it.'
'The tipping point was reached when it was announced that a man who was having a heart attack didn't go to hospital because he heard they were closed over the weekend.'
'And that is because Jeremy Fucking Hunt keeps banging on about it. It's a real pity it's the summer holidays.'
'Many of them will be in their second, sorry, third homes in the south of France so I won't get many of the cunts when I blast the place with noxious gases.'
'But the slower ones. The older, ultra right-wing back benchers. I reckon I can nab a few of them.'
'This is going to feel gooooooood!'