In a speech spelling out her policy positions yesterday, Yvette Cooper has announced most of them amount to being a tax on Jeremy Corbyn.
Speaking from The Felchfield Institute, Ms. Cooper said 'Labour must prioritise the policies of tomorrow, not yesterday.'
'And tomorrow I intend to follow Jeremy Corbyn around and steal the loose change from his pockets. Hopefully I can make him miss a bus.'
'Then, when he is late for a conference or rally I can get up and speak and tell everyone how I will be the most on-time and punctual leader they will ever have.'
'That's a positive isn't it? All my policies are positive. There's the aforementioned punctuality. And, erm, yeah, punctuality. Yeah.'
'That'll do. Vote Cooper for a punctual tomorrow!'