Paedophiles are to sue the world's children for being so damn sexy it has emerged.
Sir Peter Leahy-Hunt, former Conservative MP and child fancier said 'It's an intolerable situation to be in.'
'There they are, strutting around being all young and innocent and carefree. And you know they are shoving it in your face. They are being innocent and sweet on purpose.'
'They catch your eye and give you a little wink. My friend says that it's more a grimace, but I know he's wrong, the little teasers.'
'But I have to look and not touch. Well, if that's the way it is, I'm suing them. They are leading me on. They all are. They know exactly what they are doing.'
Since conducting this interview, Sir Peter has been arrested, signed all the registers and has been chemically castrated like the victim blaming nonce he is.