Despite only being a week old, the post summer holiday period is already forcing many workers to contemplate resignation, suicide, or both it has emerged.
Office worker Ash Kennedy said 'After two weeks of joy spent at the bottom of a cheap vodka bottle, it's inhumane to expect me to work.'
'Don't they realise that I wasn't built for this? I was designed to wake around noon, drink half a can of yesterdays flat lager then smoke myself into an early grave.'
'This work malarkey. It's a fucking joke. It's for other people.'
'It's for people who haven't completely given up and hate the sight of their own fucking face in the morning.'
'The cunts!'
