Conservative MP's who laugh at real people's questions in Prime Minister's Questions are to have their caviar allowance doubled.
Finding humour in the woes of the general public is the third article in the Conservative Party's constitution.
'It is a vital backbone of our beliefs that those who weren't born with money dripping out of their face are to be pointed at, kicked and preferable made to wear a bell around their necks.' said Andrew Feldman, Tory party chairman.
'We would tattoo them if we though we could get away with it. We are thinking of bringing in compulsory collars and leashes for anyone out of work for more than a day. Unless you're disabled of course. Yes, we will give you an extra hour before we collar you.'
'So expect a lot more mocking of those who are far too mentally ill to be rich and huge mountains of fish eggs in which my fellow Tories will swim.'
