Ed Miliband today said that unless a drastic boost in funding for the NHS is injected immediately, the NHS will die. He also warned that the current Conservative led government would manage it’s decline like ‘...the Tory bastards they are.'
Mr. Miliband was speaking at the beginning of a busy week of campaigning. ‘Look, we have to buy more ambulances and train more ambulance drivers. We can’t rely on Mr. Whippy the ice cream man to deliver first rate paramedic care.’
He went on to say ‘Basically, he smothers the wounds in luke warm ice cream and pours raspberry sauce over them. A & E staff can’t tell where the blood starts and the sauce ends.’
When challenged over the previous Labour administrations involvement in the exponential rise and championing of Private Finance Initiative (PFI) which left the door open to further NHS privatisation, Mr. Miliband said ‘I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, the line is breaking up. Hello? Hello?? I’m sorry, I don’t speak English *click*.’