An asteroid the size of 5 football fields is heading towards Earth today.
Named 2004 BL86, the asteroid is said to miss Earth by a very slim margin. Professor Wilhelm Frankel of The Nurburgring Institute of Orbits and Circuits said, 'I am concerned about the proximity of this asteroid. Many of my colleagues say it will miss but I am not convinced. Myself and my PhD students have already thrown rocks towards it but to no avail. We are now suffering from CSC syndrome (Collective Sphincter Clenching).
Most astronomers have said that the asteroid will pass us by and have attempted to convince Professor Frankel and ask him to stop fear mongering.
'I can't help it.' he said. 'I am genuinely scheissering myself. Now bring me your first son and an Egyptian scimitar.'