The Forestry Commission today cancelled a 7 year long youth orienteering event because they were worried about damage to the trees from people looking at them.
Spokesman for the Forestry Commission, Philomena Churchill said today, 'One weekend a year for the last 7 years, poor children have been walking around our forests with maps and pieces of paper and trying to walk around a track as fast as possible. Most of them have names like Wayne and Cheryl and they have been looking at the trees and I can tell the trees aren't happy. So we have enacted a rule that only children from detached houses living in commuter villages are permitted to walk amongst the trees. And they must be named Oliver or Sophia or things like that.'
When asked if this was taking away opportunities for children who otherwise may never get to see such natural beauty, Ms. Churchill said 'They have XBOX's. Can't they just play Call Of Duty and look at the forests in that?'
Mr. Richard Miles, a youth group leader, said 'The kids have had a great time over the past 7 years and the forest is always left in a pristine condition. Looks like childhood obesity and a lifetime of chronic health problems is what the kids have to aspire to now.'