Ethel McCready, 112 of Clackmannanshire, today claims that the secret to her longevity is Porridge, Coronation Street and casual racism.
Mrs McCready was asked why she thought she had clung to her meaningless existence for longer than others born at the same time. 'Well, I'll be honest, my love for Ken Barlow has kept me vigorous. And now that that bitch Deirdre is out of the way, he can be mine. She was much better off with that brown fellow anyway, Rash, erm, oh, Rasher of bacon or whatever his name was.'
When asked if it might just be down to her good genes, she said 'Oh no. I get knock off 501's from off the back of a lorry.'