The Met. Office has issued a four day weather warning saying that there could be heavy snow over that period.

Shop keepers up and down Britain are consequently reporting panic buying.

Mr. Hardeep Singh, manager of Milton Keynes HMV said 'With the schools probably closed, we've already sold out of every Disney film. One man came in and was carrying a 2 foot pile of Frozen DVDs whilst muttering 'It's not enough, little Suzie won't be satisfied' and gently sobbing.'

Meanwhile in Sunderland, Mrs. Nasturtium Fry said 'My sister has bought 12 tonnes of used audio equipment. She read somewhere about Nazi sonic weapons and thinks she can build some sort of snow blaster. She's off her fucking tree.'

Government ministers have called for calm but this was not reassuring as they were wearing tin foil hats.

 
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