Oliver James, a student from Chipping Norton was burnt to death yesterday for shopping in Waitrose.
He was spotted leaving the supermarket for toffs by his flatmates. They searched his bag and found 7 year old cheddar and a 35 day mature kobi beef steak.
Robin Wishbone, who was arrested for Aggrevated Combustion, was heard to yell like a banshee as her poured petrol over James. 'My sunday lunch was 18p noodles from Lidl and a teaspoon of sugar for pudding, you bastard'
His accomplices, Jean-Pierre Shufflebottom and Pauline Quim were charged with the lesser crime of Persuasive Heating.