The highly anticipated and controversial 50 Shades of Grey hits cinemas this friday.
As one would expect, some of the book's more hardcore scenes have been omitted but the film is lacking in other areas.
Whilst there is plenty of titillation and bondage, I was disappointed with the action scenes. The most exciting sequence involves Christian Grey parking his BMW at speed.
This is a Hollywood studio film and as we know in order to be successful, set piece action scenes must occur every 6 minutes and there just isn't enough explosions, gun fights, alien invasions or Kung Fu for this film to really wake us from our multiscreen, multimedia, always on, zombie like slumber.
On the plus side, I was able to have a crafty wank and spaff on the seat in front of me. Result. 4 Stars