Bashar Al-Assad has answered questions today from the BBC's Jeremy Bowen on the Syrian civil war and his involvement.
When asked if he used indiscriminate barrel bombs, President Assad, a Gemini, said 'We use bullets, missiles and bombs. So yes barrel bombs. But they're harmless. They are filled with candy floss.'
An incredulous Bowen questioned this and Assad clarified. 'All of our weapons are confectionery based. Our missiles are made of sellotaped sherbet dib-dabs and our bullets are fruit salads and Starbursts. We have found that the way to aid our people in coming back to the fold is to feed them, not kill them.'
Jeremy Bowen pointed out the large numbers of dead in the conflict that have been confirmed by numerous NGOs to which Assad said, 'Oh that's morbid obesity. All the sweets they eat now has led to a huge rise in heart disease, type 2 diabetes and bowel cancer. They just keel over all the time. It's definitely the sweeties that are doing that.'
