The CBI has announced that company bosses will be allowed to use their employees holiday allowance as taking breaks makes them more creative.
Sir Dullard Jones of the CBI said 'Company CEOs are job creators. That takes a lot of mental grit and strength. They are economic facilitators, productivity legends, national treasures and holistic wizards. They meed more time off.'
When pushed on what any of that actually meant, Sir Dullard stated, 'Our people deign to employ 'people' at below the national minimum wage. It's charity basically. They should be on the streets sleeping in gutters but we are so generous in letting them work in low paying, insecure temporary jobs that we deserve a reward. So we will use their holiday entitlement and never work again. But they must. This Cristal isn't cheap you know.'
Sarah Bellows, head of homeless charity Sheltered said 'Can you please find me a shotgun as I need to go on a fucking rampage.'
