The Morning Gerald: Business

John Lewis Paedophile Dies From Low Oxygen, Pressure, Temperature

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The old man living on the Moon, who has been banished for touching far too many kids, has died from a combination of hypoxia, freezing and explosive decompression it has emerged.</div>
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As featured in this Christmas's John Lewis advert, the man began initially to struggle for breath.</div>
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'It looked quite horrific from the telescope I was watching him through' said Isla, a seven year old girl.</div>
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'I tried waving but he was too busy clutching his throat. It was then that I could see his fingers and limbs start to freeze solid around his neck.'</div>
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'He staggered towards what looked like a park bench but his movements became more and more robotic as he slowly froze.'</div>
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'Finally his stomach and guts exploded sending intestines flying off into space. He fell down backwards dead. Very, very dead.'</div>
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'Still, I've got a lovely spare telescope here!'</div>

John Lewis Paedophile Dies From Low Oxygen, Pressure, Temperature

The old man living on the Moon, who has been banished for touching far too many kids, has died from a combination of hypoxia, freezin...

Office to be Relocated to Your Bed

Business, International, News 12:38

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All office workers are to be permitted to do their job from the comfort of their beds it has been announced.</div>
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It has been shown by studies that a comfortable worker is an effective worker.</div>
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Ash Kennedy, an administrator from Kent said 'This is a lifelong ambition.'</div>
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'I have campaigned for this for some time. Well, I would have campaigned for it but my bed was far too comfy to get out of to bother to do anything about it.'</div>
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'I look forward to dealing with paperwork whilst trying not to spill a precariously balanced cup of coffee all over it or getting toast grease on the pages.'</div>
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'I am particularly pleased to get the opportunity to avoid using fingers that stink of Pickled Onion Monster Munch to file important briefs.'</div>
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'The opportunity to lie like the slovenly lazy bastard I am, in my own filth and get paid for it, is a dream come true. All I have to do now is drill a hole in the base of my bed with a bucket underneath and I need never leave my bed ever again. Bliss!'</div>

Office to be Relocated to Your Bed

All office workers are to be permitted to do their job from the comfort of their beds it has been announced. It has been shown by...

Office Collections to be New Source of Salary

Business, International, Lifestyle, News 12:42

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Collections for, amongst other things, birthdays are to be the main source of income for people it has been announced.</div>
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As the workplace moves from a couple of quid per person per birthday to a tenner or more, salaries are to be replaced by collections.</div>
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'It's a lump sum that I've got to make stretch through the year' said office worker Ash Kennedy.</div>
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'My take home pay of £1200 per month usually leaves me with about 17p after all the collections.'</div>
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'There's birthdays, anniversaries, leaving for a new job, leaving for pregnancy, leaving for looking at pornography on work's computers.'</div>
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'Then there are Christenings, funerals that aren't your boss, new car celebrations, car write off commiserations, illness, fake illness, really fake illness ('tummy trouble'), promotions, demotions, sideways moves and career breaks.'</div>
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'So just give me a lump sum of part of everyone else's salary that roughly equates to what I earn and I will spread it out over the year.'</div>
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'Or, alternatively, we could keep our money and STOP CELEBRATING BULLSHIT!!'</div>

Office Collections to be New Source of Salary

Collections for, amongst other things, birthdays are to be the main source of income for people it has been announced. As the wor...

Osborne to Sell Your Gran to Chinese Sweatshop

Business, International, News 15:11

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As George Osborne has said that nothing is off the table with his business negotiations with China, grandmothers everywhere have started chaining themselves to appliances.</div>
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Speaking from inside handcuffs attached to a brass, 19th century double radiator, Eve Green, 73 from Aberdeen said, 'He won't get me sewing Nike Air Max with a needle shoved up my arse!'</div>
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'There is only so much humiliation one woman can go through and squeezing two kids out your fanny whilst shitting yourself is my limit.'</div>
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'I will not be forced to work 19 hour days with the promise of a handful of rice and only seven lashes for my trouble.'</div>
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'No, I'm retired from making rich cunts richer thank you very much.'</div>

Osborne to Sell Your Gran to Chinese Sweatshop

As George Osborne has said that nothing is off the table with his business negotiations with China, grandmothers everywhere have star...

Room In a London Doll's House For Rent for 400PCM

Business, Lifestyle, News, UK 11:35

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A new room has been advertised on Rightmove that is said to show just how bad the London housing crisis is.</div>
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The room, at first glance, is described as nothing short of beautiful: 'Double bed, chest of drawers, rocking chair, cupboard and wardrobe in comparatively spacious room, £400pcm.'</div>
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This, at first, seemed like a step in the right direction for deperate Londoners like Ash Kennedy will attest.</div>
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'I went for a viewing and it was at that point I realised the measurements were in inches and not feet.'</div>
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'If I was lucky I could have got my foot in there. But, it was a comfy bed for my foot. So I put my deposit down and am moving in next week. Finally, somewhere in London for me, well part of me, to live!'</div>

Room In a London Doll's House For Rent for 400PCM

A new room has been advertised on Rightmove that is said to show just how bad the London housing crisis is. The room, at first gl...

North Has Coffee Shops & Electricity, Southerners Told

Business, Lifestyle, News, UK 22:03

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Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and the north of England have independent coffee shops and mains electricity southerners have been told.</div>
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In an effort to prize some southerners further north from within the M25, all London residences have been leafletted with the information.</div>
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'The latest figures show after the 80s many northern cities did not recover their population drops' said Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute.</div>
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'This hasn't stopped them having the same services and amenities that the south has though.'</div>
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'It must also be said that, contrary to popular opinion, most northerners do not strike up conversations with random people on buses. Yes, it's a bit more common, but most enjoy the silence and privacy as much as southerners.'</div>
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'So the message is, there is work and houses and a full life to be had in places that aren't London. A shock to many, but true nonetheless.'</div>

North Has Coffee Shops & Electricity, Southerners Told

Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and the north of England have independent coffee shops and mains electricity southerners have been ...

City Trader Pays Tax

Business, International, News 21:02

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A city trader has spoken of a new experience he has had that gave him a strange warmth inside it has been revealed.</div>
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Ash Kennedy, a short seller for brokers DeLoitte, Lloyds & Cloot, received a self assessment form in the post and filled it in.</div>
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'I was bored' he said.</div>
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'I had just finished snorting a three foot long line of coke off the arses of my best friend's girlfriend and mother when I saw it sitting on the table.'</div>
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'I had a flick through and thought 'This is a new experience for me and I'm always looking for them.'</div>
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'So I filled it in, missed out a few earnings obviously, bumped up the business expenses and sent it off. Six months later a bill arrived asking me to write a cheque which I duly did and posted.'</div>
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'It felt weird. There was a sort of warmth inside and a slightly pleasant feeling in my head. I think it may be what some describe as pride or maybe contentment.'</div>
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'Anyway, I didn't like it, so I fucked my wife's 16 year old sister which left me feeling cold and empty. That was much better.'</div>

City Trader Pays Tax

A city trader has spoken of a new experience he has had that gave him a strange warmth inside it has been revealed. Ash Kennedy, ...

Mini-Roundabout Confusion is Grounds for Termination

Business, Lifestyle, News 20:31

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Drivers who don't realise mini-roundabouts are identical to normal roundabouts nut are just smaller are tobe culled it has been announced.</div>
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After Greg Hundt was found not guilty of massacring three drivers who refused to enter the mini-roundabout, it is to become a national policy.</div>
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'How hard is it to just treat it as a roundabout?' said Hundt.</div>
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'I approached and the three other exits had drivers all looking at each other, stuck in their mutual confusion. So I just drove on ahead, parked up after the roundabout, went back, and caved their heads in with a jack.'</div>
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'If you too don't want to be bludgeoned to death, follow these simple steps: It's a roundabout. Look to your right. Is it clear? Then fucking go!'</div>

Mini-Roundabout Confusion is Grounds for Termination

Drivers who don't realise mini-roundabouts are identical to normal roundabouts nut are just smaller are tobe culled it has been a...

Blighty First! Grrr! etc etc

Business, News, Sport, UK 02:19

Blighty First! Grrr! etc etc

Lidl's Mini-Stollens Back in Stock Leads to Huge Bankruptcy Spike

Business, Health, News 02:05

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Lidl have introduced their Christmas range already but have caused a huge spike in the number of bankruptcies it has been announced.</div>
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Ash Kennedy, an accountant from Penge, has been given a week until bailiffs take his Audi TT.</div>
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'My comfortable existence is under threat and it is all Lidl's fault. Their mini-stollens are basically crack cocaine.'</div>
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'I bought my first packet and had finished them before getting back to the car. So I just went back and got more. Over and over and over again.'</div>
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'I have been crumbling them up and snorting them, smoking them, shoving them up my arse. I even tried to mainline them, but they're a bit too viscous.'</div>
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'But my life is falling apart. My wife has left. The kids are gone. The only thing to do is eat stollen methadone. Aldi Stollen. They're, well, they're......... They're shite!'</div>

Lidl's Mini-Stollens Back in Stock Leads to Huge Bankruptcy Spike

Lidl have introduced their Christmas range already but have caused a huge spike in the number of bankruptcies it has been announced. ...

Gits Earn Money 'With Bastard Magnets'

Business, News, UK 11:44

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People converting old lifeboats into houses, building 'spaces' in their 3 acres of land and making jewellery out of the lead from old church roofs earn money through sheer belief they should have loads of it, it has been revealed.</div>
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Watching television programs such as 'Amazing Spaces', 'Grand Designs' and 'Escape To Where There's No Poor People', it has become evident that no-one featured seems to have a job.</div>
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'Where do they get all their filthy cash from?' screamed office worker Greg Hunt.</div>
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'They never seem to have a job. They just seem to have cash everywhere and 'bridging loans', something that no ordinary person has a clue about.'</div>
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'Is it just your birthright? You were born into a particular class and people just give you money which you spend on an eco-home that costs 3 times more than a normal house and you then point at the working classes and tell them all the pollution is their fault?'</div>
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'I think that's how it works.'</div>
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We asked rich person Henry Gilbert just how he does acquire his money.</div>
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'Shhhh. I'm summoning Lucifer. Come back another time.'</div>

Gits Earn Money 'With Bastard Magnets'

People converting old lifeboats into houses, building 'spaces' in their 3 acres of land and making jewellery out of the lead ...

Aldi Shame Other Supermarkets To Pay Living Wage (of Tibet)

Business, News, UK 13:10

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Aldi have announced that, like Lidl, they too will pay the living wage to all it's workers by the end of the year.</div>
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But there has been some controversy about just how much this increase will be.</div>
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'Nobody said it has to be the living wage of Britain' said Aldi CEO Ash Kennedy.</div>
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'As far as I'm concerned, our package of financial compensation is world class.'</div>
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'Firstly, you get your own goat. Always useful in a council house in Solihull. Secondly, annual free entry to as many Himalayan monasteries and temples as you want. And thirdly, a pair of our cheap walking boots, that in no way fall apart after three uses, for all the mountains you need to climb.'</div>
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'Aldi is committed to the Tibetan living wage. Here, have some pickled goat.'</div>

Aldi Shame Other Supermarkets To Pay Living Wage (of Tibet)

Aldi have announced that, like Lidl, they too will pay the living wage to all it's workers by the end of the year. But there ...

Man Passes Out in Puddle of P*ss to Celebrate Beer Company Merger

Business, International, News 09:14

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJnzM2xBOVAobunGVOkkqqci4_P3cnSqF0a5KbMdfqqAh4Ip8CTS8-XaA8SCpb765Ayy04ovx-KVl6Hyf1GB_AMk0iWAbk7t68eKn6Q4BIYinFhoRzadWg3lthioF1DPlge2OtRujeNzvm/s1600/6853356_2d767eb14d_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJnzM2xBOVAobunGVOkkqqci4_P3cnSqF0a5KbMdfqqAh4Ip8CTS8-XaA8SCpb765Ayy04ovx-KVl6Hyf1GB_AMk0iWAbk7t68eKn6Q4BIYinFhoRzadWg3lthioF1DPlge2OtRujeNzvm/s1600/6853356_2d767eb14d_z.jpg"></a></div>
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The announcement that Americas two biggest alcohol companies are to merge has been celebrated by the nations alcoholics it has emerged.</div>
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<br></div>
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Speaking from the gutter, Ash Kennedy, a former estate agent with a wife and two children, but now a single full time drinker said 'Bring on the BudGrolsch!'</div>
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<br></div>
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'I hope this merger brings about a doubling in strength of all booze. 10% beers, pure ethanol vodka. Mergers should do that. Make everything better, faster, stronger, drunker.'</div>
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<br></div>
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'I would ask they invest some time providing free PVC pants though. I would look up at you but I am far too busy being face down as my own urine trickles past my face. It would be preferable if it was stored against my legs in waterproof trousers.'</div>
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<br></div>
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'Perhaps with some sort of buttplug attachment. I think I've just shit myself. Could you pass me another bottle? But with a straw if you would?'</div>

Man Passes Out in Puddle of P*ss to Celebrate Beer Company Merger

The announcement that Americas two biggest alcohol companies are to merge has been celebrated by the nations alcoholics it has emerge...

Morning Commute 'Like Paying to Catch the Clap'

Business, International, News 09:14

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5khHuQ1hNSIlzINhXAQjYZFBYc-z767ufsWNcu2gc_auH9gxfd6RHkYsY4c-eZb82WO4F_Majs-5NACwDaVY_FlPX0QC_713GZf2etavxz60md_jojlEpgZrqwZrZjRW_kzNs2P3jBa6/s1600/tubea11_2446860k.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5khHuQ1hNSIlzINhXAQjYZFBYc-z767ufsWNcu2gc_auH9gxfd6RHkYsY4c-eZb82WO4F_Majs-5NACwDaVY_FlPX0QC_713GZf2etavxz60md_jojlEpgZrqwZrZjRW_kzNs2P3jBa6/s1600/tubea11_2446860k.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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Getting up at a time that nocturnal animals consider lunch time, forcing thick, strong bitter coffee down your gullet and standing next to someone with offesnive BO on public transport is similar to catching hideous diseases it has been announced.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute said 'Having an acute case of gonorrhea is itchy, annoying and should be banished from human experience.'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'The morning commute is just as painful if not more so. And you have to pay for the privilege.'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'Although knob rot is possibly worse.'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'There's nothing quite like the despair and panic you feel when you are in a meeting and bits of your cock start falling off and dropping down you trouser leg.'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'Be careful not to flick your dismembered bellend into the face of your boss with your foot when it drops off.'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'Tends not to go down too well. Choking hazard you see.'</div>

Morning Commute 'Like Paying to Catch the Clap'

Getting up at a time that nocturnal animals consider lunch time, forcing thick, strong bitter coffee down your gullet and standing ne...

Car Returned to Dealer for Failing to Provide Outdoorsy Lifestyle

Business, Lifestyle, News 09:15

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibOvcCisEs_jF4ztEOxLNGhnBnro228O8Wm-93dV1LF7egIxg_pT_Yzifbo7ULLb2bvpOBLJlyRyfOBfGm1vreLqv72ifd-mUmwvvUXUizIiVDx4NxMq-BCxSIXHZziaoe6SUDpwb24ovm/s1600/unique-tshirt-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibOvcCisEs_jF4ztEOxLNGhnBnro228O8Wm-93dV1LF7egIxg_pT_Yzifbo7ULLb2bvpOBLJlyRyfOBfGm1vreLqv72ifd-mUmwvvUXUizIiVDx4NxMq-BCxSIXHZziaoe6SUDpwb24ovm/s1600/unique-tshirt-1.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
A customer has returned his car to the dealership after it failed to provide a fun life with an outdoors lifestyle.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Ash Kennedy, a call centre worker from Slough, bought the Vauxhall Mokka believing it would lead to adventures and larks.</div>
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<br /></div>
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'I seem to be sitting on my arse eating takeaway pizza with one hand down my jogging bottoms just as much as I used to' said Kennedy.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
'The amount of You've Been Framed and Rude Tube I watch hasn't gone down at all.'</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
'And the three minutes of panting just from climbing the stairs hasn't got any better. I'm starting to think that car isn't making me healthier at all.'</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
We asked Vauxhall for a statement and they said 'Purchasing our vehicles isn't enough in itself to change your lifestyle. They can facilitate change, but it is up to the customer to initiate it.'</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
When Kennedy read this he said 'The advert does not make it look like I need to put in effort. There should be a disclaimer at the bottom in the small white text.'</div>
<div dir="ltr">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
''Model shown Mokka 1.6, 45 MPG Combined, Representative 21% APR, Adventures in mountains involve customer getting off backside.''</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
'I should have just kept that £40 a month gym membership I never use. They didn't tell me the truth either. I have to turn up apparently.'</div>

Car Returned to Dealer for Failing to Provide Outdoorsy Lifestyle

A customer has returned his car to the dealership after it failed to provide a fun life with an outdoors lifestyle. Ash Kennedy, ...

Secret Google Jobs Appear After 'Why Are You Stealing All My Data?' Search

Business, News, Sci-Tech 02:37

<div style="text-align: center; padding: 5px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihk6vaVoKFEDeMwEu4fzN8YCED_QxbpzxAaKYIp6QPdDMGaFVh1OqIMnmHP9lrFN33Aoq72HJ5YOL5LAR-aBH69Tw4TTWdkC6r-rwIDKWve2kV6ANIhpdol7wzzL-idjjurbogp5EeUYOY/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihk6vaVoKFEDeMwEu4fzN8YCED_QxbpzxAaKYIp6QPdDMGaFVh1OqIMnmHP9lrFN33Aoq72HJ5YOL5LAR-aBH69Tw4TTWdkC6r-rwIDKWve2kV6ANIhpdol7wzzL-idjjurbogp5EeUYOY/ cursor: pointer;" style="border: 1px solid; border-radius: 2px;padding: 5px; max-width: 320px " width="320px" /></a></div><div class="blogaway-section"><p>After it emerged a man won a contract to work at Google after typing in a complex programming problem into the search engine, recruitment for other jobs have emerged from other searches.<br/>
<br/>A PR guru to deflect attention away from Google's privacy issues can be applied for when searching 'Why are you stealing all my data?'<br/>
<br/>'Rather than providing an answer we find it is better to control the narrative, and by that I mean person, asking the question' said head of Google recruitment Pierre LaFoun.<br/>
<br/>'We ask the person to work for us and we pay them a large salary. And it is their job to find others to recruit who are asking similar questions.'<br/>
<br/>'Think of it as a Pyramid Scheme of privacy issue avoidance. And if you have any more questions, here's $50,000'</p></div><br/>

Secret Google Jobs Appear After 'Why Are You Stealing All My Data?' Search

After it emerged a man won a contract to work at Google after typing in a complex programming problem into the search engine, recruitment fo...

38Degrees, SumOfUs & Avaaz to Merge and Form 'GuiltTrip Inc'

Business, International, News 02:09

<div style="text-align: center; padding: 5px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBR6RK4_XVnHoznG5na9sdHSdnDJ6CneW2JpsVpe3aKQbSbY6g_lif5FB0R74h8q2UfX20KUpF_jqMLB16pj_3R9hyphenhyphen4n-3amy5NnQlVuNv29SEG85UkbLoP2shjyE88g1YiEhaAEMp01r0/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBR6RK4_XVnHoznG5na9sdHSdnDJ6CneW2JpsVpe3aKQbSbY6g_lif5FB0R74h8q2UfX20KUpF_jqMLB16pj_3R9hyphenhyphen4n-3amy5NnQlVuNv29SEG85UkbLoP2shjyE88g1YiEhaAEMp01r0/ cursor: pointer;" style="border: 1px solid; border-radius: 2px;padding: 5px; max-width: 320px " width="320px" /></a></div><div class="blogaway-section"><p>A number of petition and campaigning groups are to merge to pool their resources and emotional blackmail capacity it has emerged.<br/>
<br/>38Degrees, SumOfUs and Avaaz are to form GuiltTrip Inc. to pursue more vigorously those whose conscience can be easily pricked.<br/>
<br/>'We believe we can achieve more if we share email lists and campaigns with each other and spam the inboxes of anyone who has ever dared to sign one of our campaigns with even more email' said group director Ash Kennedy<br/>
<br/>'We only send two of three emails daily each. Rather than campaigning for one massive change, we find we can bribe more money out of people if we just nibble at the edges of issues and affect no substantive change.'<br/>
<br/>'That justifies our existence and salaries. And we can grind down anyone who has ever cared about the world until they are so fatigued with compassion they will sign anything.'<br/>
<br/>'GuiltTrip Inc. For a brighter, more equal, and exhausting tomorrow.'</p></div><br/>

38Degrees, SumOfUs & Avaaz to Merge and Form 'GuiltTrip Inc'

A number of petition and campaigning groups are to merge to pool their resources and emotional blackmail capacity it has emerged. 38Degrees...

FTSE, Dow Jones, Shanghai Composite and Other Random Words 'Slump'

Business, International, News 09:20

<div style="text-align: center; padding: 5px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxKzbae91DFuoRuI84Huus6XgkEvwI1w3Zf1rdntZmphw1uNR8BiNWz8mMyM3uxmJLz5Ii3XiXOgWteRYFsfOTuGfU6EuefZ2rFq8K2Fqxfy71kFyIfOW8Oc0pcie0QYNThBQ9B7qtq5_w/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxKzbae91DFuoRuI84Huus6XgkEvwI1w3Zf1rdntZmphw1uNR8BiNWz8mMyM3uxmJLz5Ii3XiXOgWteRYFsfOTuGfU6EuefZ2rFq8K2Fqxfy71kFyIfOW8Oc0pcie0QYNThBQ9B7qtq5_w/ cursor: pointer;" style="border: 1px solid; border-radius: 2px;padding: 5px; max-width: 320px " width="320px" /></a></div><div class="blogaway-section"><p>Stock exchanges, where stuff that doesn't exist is exchanged for money that has no physical form, have universally slumped it has been reported.<br/>
<br/>After the Chinese stock exchange overheated, world market values slumped.<br/>
<br/>'This is a cause for real concern' said leading economist Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute<br/>
<br/>'According to this random selection of words on this piece of paper the computer has just printed, the value of companies has fallen and dividends are down.'<br/>
<br/>'Nobody knows what this actually means but apparently it's bad.'<br/>
<br/>'So bad, the IMF, which I'm told is the International Monetary Fund and not Tom Cruise's Impossible Mission Force, is suggesting increased liquidity.'<br/>
<br/>'So we are boiling some ice as we speak. We really have no fucking clue what's happening. All I do know is the poor will be fucked over. That's the usual consequence.'</p></div><br/>

FTSE, Dow Jones, Shanghai Composite and Other Random Words 'Slump'

Stock exchanges, where stuff that doesn't exist is exchanged for money that has no physical form, have universally slumped it has been r...

'It's Made of Milk?!?' Say Farmers Over Cheese Overcharging Accusations

Business, News, UK 09:00

<div style="text-align: center; padding: 5px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipaAjA_9u-4eFAr5tL_K5zmuFu9YEtwqNOG8WNwQMJNtYGa2-mpKAen5uC1sH0rhL7CnAFZFH1kP_nSmsWNZ8NC568glK9QmB-2X-umhaDeh_MnVHb2pn9WoAxgrXGab7gi4AjboBecj_a/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipaAjA_9u-4eFAr5tL_K5zmuFu9YEtwqNOG8WNwQMJNtYGa2-mpKAen5uC1sH0rhL7CnAFZFH1kP_nSmsWNZ8NC568glK9QmB-2X-umhaDeh_MnVHb2pn9WoAxgrXGab7gi4AjboBecj_a/ cursor: pointer;" style="border: 1px solid; border-radius: 2px;padding: 5px; max-width: 320px " width="320px" /></a></div><div class="blogaway-section"><p>British dairy farmers have begun accusing supermarkets of driving down prices on cheese as well as milk according to the NFU.<br/>
<br/>Yoghurt and butter prices have also been pushed down.<br/>
<br/>'I don't understand why all these products we make in that big shed full of illegal workers I never go in are being sold ever more cheaply.'<br/>
<br/>'My farm, which my Daddy gave me, makes all sorts of yummy things that are worth far more than this.'<br/>
<br/>'After the milk wars, it's almost as if the supermarkets think all I make is stuff made from milk. But how can hard cheese come from a liquid? Do they think I'm an inbred idiot?'</p></div><br/>

'It's Made of Milk?!?' Say Farmers Over Cheese Overcharging Accusations

British dairy farmers have begun accusing supermarkets of driving down prices on cheese as well as milk according to the NFU. Yoghurt and b...

Amazon Workers With a Pulse 'Not Working Hard Enough'

Business, International, News 09:00

<div style="text-align: center; padding: 5px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVIvBdyhjAaABZYliY7UtGqlnePLvtgHzBGfhstYDcsPm7H7p1mRHqs-0MyLjMJAZHIdoPIBjdEsYcU572nvTX9rN0QaE_eIHpJfJhlqHlvngLH1uBuDsPjH6vcQLXJRHIY6DLIw_Zd2_J/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVIvBdyhjAaABZYliY7UtGqlnePLvtgHzBGfhstYDcsPm7H7p1mRHqs-0MyLjMJAZHIdoPIBjdEsYcU572nvTX9rN0QaE_eIHpJfJhlqHlvngLH1uBuDsPjH6vcQLXJRHIY6DLIw_Zd2_J/ cursor: pointer;" style="border: 1px solid; border-radius: 2px;padding: 5px; max-width: 320px " width="320px" /></a></div><div class="blogaway-section"><p>Amazon workers who are still conscious, breathing or with a detectable heart beat are lazy, undisciplined undedicated shirkers said Amazon's Chief Operating Officer Malkio Carrera yesterday.<br/>
<br/>'We expect absolute commitment' said Mr. Carrera.<br/>
<br/>'Anything less means we may lose a few cents here and there. They add up into dollars. And those dollars belong in the pockets of higher management and the board.'<br/>
<br/>'Our workers have no right to deprive us of this money. We are willing to provide 24 hour a day shelter in our warehouses. In return you will work until death.'<br/>
<br/>'Basically, shop till you drop. Or get the fuck out. I want a superyacht.'</p></div><br/>

Amazon Workers With a Pulse 'Not Working Hard Enough'

Amazon workers who are still conscious, breathing or with a detectable heart beat are lazy, undisciplined undedicated shirkers said Amazon...